09 Jan 2025

Identity: Who on Earth are we?

Blind Mans Buff, Jesus, and a Donkey’s Tail!

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What defines us as human beings and where in the world do we fit? In fact, do we fit at all? Are we meant to fit somewhere? If not, then why do most of us spend our lives searching for a best fit, searching for people, places, and experiences to bring a sense of belonging.

“Identity” is something that I’ve been asked about many times and is something that I’ve thought about and struggled with over the years.

What I do know for certain is that my identity, my sense of belonging and my purpose in life has radically changed.

Identity is a word that I hear lots about based around who we are as individuals. It is often a word used to describe personal qualities, beliefs, personality traits, appearance and expressions of a person or group. In my own experience and listening to the experiences of others, I am convinced that “Identity” is so much more than this. “What is our life purpose and why are we here?”, often become questions I am sure most of us have asked at one time or another. These questions I believe are so deeply woven into our being that they will come up into our consciousness to be addressed at some point during our lifetime.

So, who are we?

Have we been told by others who we are, who we need to be and what our identity should be. Have we accepted other people’s opinions of us as facts? Has our identity developed because of the way others have treated us? Have we developed a sense of who we are because the world has told us that we must look and act a certain way. How many of us seek to live up to the worlds standards of who we should be. Are we good enough, thin enough, attractive enough, intelligent enough and worthy enough? Do we compare ourselves to others and punish ourselves with hatred internally because the world tells us we are not quite the right fit for our skin? Do we withdraw or resist life (I do sometimes) because a part of our body or mind may be broken? Or have we got used to self-hate, self-seeking and blaming others? Do we punish and soothe ourselves with thoughts of who we are, who we should be and who we are not?

I’m sure most of us have experienced some level of pain in past relationships, many of us still live in that pain to the point that it can become our identity. Many of us have been on the receiving end of pain and have also spat venom out too. Are you like me and have had words of death spoken over you as a child, teenager and adult and then learnt how to speak death over others too with your words? I learnt early on in life to believe lies and speak lies rather than believe truth about who I am.

What if you could love others and receive love as your identity? What if you could experience Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness Goodness and Self-Control? What if anger, resentment, bitterness, old dusty thinking, jealousy, envy, shame, and sloth could be lifted from you but not by you. I am a lot of a sloth and a procrastinator as you will know if you have read my other blogs. Sloth however is no longer my identity, it’s just something I’m working through (but that’s another story) It certainly doesn’t define me.

Old friends

I recently caught up with a childhood friend who I hadn’t seen for over 30 years, and we reminisced about our childhood, “playing out” on the back street in Burnley. She said something that really made me think. These were her words. “We will always be Burnley girls wont we?” She was saying this as if it was some sort of unspoken code about where our hearts belonged and with a sense of nostalgia- almost a longing for the past. I smiled outwardly yet my mind was spinning with all sorts of thoughts. She then added this as a parting word “You CAN take the girl out of Burnley, but you CAN’T take the Burnley out of the girl.” I’m not sure what she meant by that. Was she saying I should take the Burnley out or leave it in? This started me thinking about my identity as a child and how I had been like a chameleon, changing colour depending on the circumstances and the people that I was with at the time. Was my friend, right? Would my identity always be in where I was brought up? Would I always be a Burnley Girl?

Childhood games – Burnley Girl

There were many games that we played growing up in the 1970s and 80s. I was one of five children born at a time before the use of mobile phones or pads. It was a “fend for yourself” and “make your own fun” sort of time. I remember stealing of a pair of mum’s old tan coloured support tights, cutting off the leg and stuffing a tennis ball into the foot section of the one legged tight to bounce it underarm against the side of a concrete wall!! Can you believe this really was a fun thing to do when you were six! It was fun until mum put her tights on!

My LEAST favourite game was usually only played at birthday parties unless you lived in my house where it seemed to be birthed out of boredom. It involved being blindfolded, spun around, pushed, and prodded with the instruction to go and catch the nearest victim. A bit like tig but the person could not see. This game was called “Blind Man’s Buff.” I wasn’t sure if it was a Burnley party game and when I looked into it further it seems it’s a game that’s been played for centuries. However, the Burnley way (or was it just my Family) had its own twist! In my family it involved binding one of mum’s scarves (or tights if we dare) around the head to cover the eyes, sometimes so tightly that an indent in the face could be seen for hours afterwards. Usually, the game involved being spun around as fast as possible to make the victim feel dizzy, sick, confused and disorientated on purpose. There was always a shove and a knock from an unseen chancer and a coffee table corner perfectly placed to puncture a fleshy calf. Sometimes everyone left the room and watched from the doorway or from an outside window. Often the poor bandaged eyed victim was searching for nothing and no one in the dark at the expense of others ridicule. I can remember hating this game if I were the bound one and couldn’t see but loving it if I was the teaser, prodder, and poker. I can’t remember anyone ever giving up and surrendering to not winning this game. I do however have a recollection of someone in my family (no names mentioned) who thought it would be a good idea to tie ankles together and hands too just for fun ! imagine that, being bound by choice but then allowing others to bind you too and be in their complete control. Or what about the classic game pin the tail on the donkey, another blindfold and another search all in the name of fun!

This game was a little like my identity before I knew anything about LOVE, before I understood what my purpose was and a long time before I developed a sense of belonging.

You see, like many of us, I spent many years living life on my own and other people’s terms, living life confused and disorientated, binding myself with lies and allowing others to bind me. I was living life already DEAD!

I was like Judas in the Bible who met and knew Jesus was a real flesh and blood person but chose to believe lies over truth. How easy it was for me to betray, gossip, lie, hate, cheat, steal, curse and blame others when I couldn’t see.

ME ME ME ! Always ME. It was always about ME.

My identity was in ME !

I can identify with the story of Naomi in the Bible who returned home after the death of her husband and two sons full of grief and loss. She changed her identity to the word BITTER. She said “do not call me Naomi (meaning sweetness), call me MARA. (meaning BITTER) Ruth 1:20. Grief and loss were my identity too for far too many years to count.

The Bible is full of people who were once lost in themselves and their circumstances until they met with God’s Love. I love the story of the woman with the issue of blood in Luke Chapter 8: v 43-48. It says, “And a woman having an issue of blood 12 years, had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any.” I wonder if her identity formed over 12 years as an outcast in her community and as unclean. Imagine her self-worth and desperation. I wonder if she tried everything else first to be free before she came to Jesus. That is exactly what many of us do, just like I did. “She came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, and immediately her discharge of blood ceased.” (V44) What an amazing insight this story gives us into the heart of Jesus for those willing to trust him. Reaching out and doing something despite her fear brought her a new identity. She was made clean. It says in 2 Corinthians 5v14 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation: old things have passed away: behold all things have become new “Imagine that, starting afresh being renewed by Jesus. Yes please! Running alongside this story In Luke C8 V 40-56 there is Jairus’ daughter who was so ill that Jairus begged Jesus to heal her. Jesus however was delayed by the woman with the issue of blood to the point that when he arrived at the house the little girl (thought to be around 12 years old) had died. The Bible says Jesus took the girl by the hand and said “Talitha Koum” which means “Little girl, I tell you to get up. “The girl got up and started walking around. It seems to me that she had to die so that Jesus could restore her to new life and a new identity. It was only Jesus that could resurrect her and not anyone or anything else.

I wonder if there is an identity that you need to let go of? Is it the names you were called? Is it the self-pity or the control you think you have of your life? I know personally that letting go of an old identity has been a process that will last a lifetime as I allow God to shape me. Writing this blog and chatting to others it suddenly struck me how my identity and every part of who I used to be had changed and continues to change because of one simple thing. The blindfold had been removed and not by me!

The blindfold of FEAR that not long ago consumed me pops up now and again to be recognised, shared and surrendered. The Blindfold of Shame …. Blindfold of control…. Blindfold of selfishness (this one hurt) blindfold of self-seeking (ouch) blindfold of dishonesty (I hid from this one) the blindfold of comparing myself to others and seeking validation from other people (this felt shameful)

I suppose my identity began to change when I realised that I wasn’t God. I recognised that I needed God and that my spirit was poor. Jesus said in the sermon in the mount “blessed are the poor in spirit. “I needed to know that there is something more powerful than me. Occasionally I find myself tying the scarf back around my head or allowing others to blindfold me. Its only ever for a moment though.

Will I always be a Burnley girl?

No, I won’t. Burnley is where I was brought up as a child and I am proud of my roots, but it doesn’t define me. Will my identity be in my job? Not anymore, its simply what I do a few days a week and a blessing that teaches me how to live my new identity in Christ. Will my identity be in being a mum, auntie, sister, or wife? No, it’s my family but not my identity. You see I have a new identity that is in something bigger than ME and bigger than You.

God didn’t just remove the blindfold; He also continues to take the huge plank out of my eye too so that I can see who I am in Christ. Can we all have a resurrected identity like Jairus daughter and the woman with the issue of blood? Yes, we can.

We can be like Judas who physically met Jesus yet betrayed him for his own gain and suffered or we can be like Peter who also knew Jesus, walked with him, loved him, and yet betrayed him three times? The difference is that Judas never met the risen Christ and Peter did. Meeting the risen Christ changed everything for Peter. He knew he was forgiven and served God for the rest of his life. Jesus changed his name from Simon to Peter (meaning ROCK) and said, “On this rock I will build my church.” (Matthew 16:18).

I will finish with this:

Do you know that you are forgiven? Do you want a restored and new identity? Have you met the risen Christ?

God Bless, Sarah.